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User talk:Sugar Senpai
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Air Smells Suicide Today page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. You can also read some of the best stories our wiki has to offer by checking out Suggested Reading. Finally, you can check out stories written by authors of the wiki in User Stories. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 19:34, July 7, 2019 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:48, July 7, 2019 (UTC) Re: Story I'm unfortunately heading out the door for an exam so I will have to be brief, but I'll make sure to give examples when I return. Your story was deleted as it did not meet our quality standards due to numerous punctuation (dialogue missing punctuation and possessive words missing apostrophes), spacing (you tend to include spaces before and after punctuation), wording (There is a lot of awkward wording here), formatting (paragraphs are grouped together), and plot issues. I'll give a full breakdown after my exam. Sorry for the delay. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 11:25, July 8, 2019 (UTC) :Punctuation issues: A lot of your dialogue is missing punctuation (""Ugh, such a pity(comma missing)" I said.", " "That's not good.(should be a comma)" I said with an anxious voice.", "She said(,/:) "Don't let him take you. I know you're strong, and you'll manage it."", etc.. Possessive words having apostrophes improperly placed: "I closed the door loudly and just ran to my parent's (parents') bedroom", " A nightmare fuel at it's (its) finest." :Spacing: You tend to include spaces before and after punctuation where they are not needed. "It smelled like some sort of sweet, but it was too dense , and I got nauseous.", "because there could be a power shortage , but obviously, I have no idea about those stuff, so I went to wake my father.", "My hair was such a mess , so I wanted to go to bathroom first , fix my hair and wash my face.", "Well, it was a breach of privacy, but he's probably died anyway, so itdoesn't matter.", etc. :Wording: There is a lot of awkward wording here. Lines like: "I got up from bed and stretched my arms couple of times.", "I couldn't see anything so I reached to switch.", "I took my phone and decided to go and wake my parents, because we're usually waking up at 6 o'clock", "But, there it was, that smell that gives away your body.", etc. In all honesty, about a third of your sentences are missing words or are awkwardly worded. If English isn't your native language, I would consider getting someone who is fluent to help out as there were a lot of issues here. :Formatting: Paragraphs are grouped together as you didn't include full line spaces between them. While this didn't factor into the deletion, it would likely result in any story being marked for review and editing. Additionally a typical paragraph its five-ten sentences. Any more and the text comes off as blocky. Any less and the story feels anemic. :Plot issues: Your story needs quite a bit of work building up the scene as there really isn't a lot of time spent on each scene. The protagonist goes from his house, to Martin's, and back to his without really taking the time to delve into their emotional state and their surroundings which results in the story feeling pretty bland. :Plot issues cont.: The perspective shift at the end from first person to third is also very jarring and needs more of a transition to work ("How could I tell him that human race is enslaved by the aliens, and he's chosen for those aliens' filthy needs? I couldn't tell him that he'll suffer forever, he'll forget everything again, and his suffer will just go on, until his vital signs will stop."). :All in all, I'm sorry, but this story needs a lot of work. The frequent punctuation, wording, spacing, formatting, and plot issues weigh down the overall quality of the story and result in it not meeting our quality standards. I would strongly suggest using the writer's workshop (link above) for your next story to help you proof-read and fix any errors that are present. Have a good one. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 13:22, July 8, 2019 (UTC)